vol. 1 part. 2

February 5, 2007

sayonara is Japanese for “goodbye” or a farewell remark, according to dictionary.com; so loosely translated in my version, sayonara means “till we meet again”…

I chose this word because of the appropriate translation I chose, “till we meet again” because of the reality of my deafness, every time I turn my hearing aids off, or the battery power fails, or falling asleep, silence returns.

I do not see deafness as an “inability to hear” because silence is another sound that can not be measured by science.  There is an “abosolute silence” but I do not know what can define this, for it is without thought.  We all think to ourselves using the voices in our head, a phantom type of sound. 

So anytime when I wake up, there is a moment before I put on my hearing aids that can last as long as it take me to remember to look for my hearing aids.  I could have them on and turned them off for a nap or taken them out for the night before bed.  Either way, the moment will last anywhere from a few seconds to as long as days.  It is a rare freedom I have to make that choice.

Neverless, when I wake up, I often notice the silence before I begin to form the thoughts in my head into words as I begin to speak to myself in my head.  It is similar to a “background” noise, just this constant energy that fills my head without sound.

Like I said before, it can be a blessing and it can be a curse.  For the first 10  years of my life, it was something I knew as part of who I am but I was at an age where the innocence of youth was a factor. 

That innocence was destroyed when I began to realize the degree of separation between myself and hearing people, the degree of silence.  More on that later…

For now as I end this blog, to sum it up, I have come a long ways over the past 30 years to embrace silence like a warm blanket, a blanket where I can snuggle under the covers of darkness [visit my blog again in the future to read about the covers of darkness].  A blanket where I can simply fall asleep, oblivious to the world without a care for my own security, and wake up with an explosion of sight.

So silence, an old lifelong companion of mine, as I wake up each day knowing that silence will return the next time I lay myself down to sleep, I always end up with a fond farewell.

 Silence, my old friend, sayonara…

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